Many times—really, far too many—I’ve been drawn in by the magic of language. You get pulled in, pierced by an emotion you have no interest in shaking off.
很多次，的确很多次，被语言的魔力所吸引。沉浸其中，就像被某种情绪所贯穿，从头到脚不想驱散。
The first kind is prose. Styles vary, but one grips me especially hard. That grip means thinking: When will I ever write like this? It puts you into a certain state, though it’s hard to name the style itself.
第一种是文字。文字有很多风格，我指不出哪些是哪种，但有一种格外令我着迷。所谓着迷，就是哇，什么时候也能写出这样的内容！它们给人进入某种状态的感觉，具体是什么风格，说不清楚。
Take On the Road—200,000 words, over 7,000 lines. I once listed them vertically in a spreadsheet, scrolled across, and dissected each sentence: its highlights, techniques, effects, and when to use them. I even tried imitating it.
比如《在路上》，二十万字七千多行句子。我纵向列进表格里，向右横着过去拆解一句话的亮点、手法、效果、适用场景，末尾还尝试做的练习模仿。
I still can't explain it. They feel like intricate, elaborate constructions, impossible to take apart or recreate. The second language works the same way.
我还是说不清，好像它们是复杂构思搭建起来的精巧事物，难以拆解也难以复现。另一种语言也与此相似。
That second language is code. What astonishes me about code is its sheer cleverness. The more stunning the result, the cleverer the code.
它是代码。代码令人惊叹的是它的巧妙，实现效果越惊人的代码，越巧妙。
It is clever beyond belief. How can anyone be smart enough to think of writing it like that? It's magic because it gracefully produces one beautiful effect after another. I can't do it—I rack my brain and come up empty. Seeing such code is like watching sorcery that makes anything happen.
巧得不可思议，怎么能如此聪明想到这样写？！非常聪明！妙的则是，它居然神奇地实现了这种那种优美的效果。我实现不了，想破脑袋也不行。看到这样的代码，如同见识一种魔法，可以实现这实现那的魔法。
Code is an exquisitely precise language. Sometimes just one line holds a complex chain of logic. I’ve broken down small projects line by line in tables, too. Sometimes I follow the logic, but I still can't reproduce the result.
代码是很精巧的语言，可能只有一行，里面却包含复杂的逻辑链。我同样用表格一行行拆解过一些小项目的代码。有时也理清了其中的逻辑，但复现不出来。
In my fantasy, mastering prose and code means expressing exactly what I intend, whenever I want. That would feel effortless and free.
我的幻想里，精通文字和代码，是一种能够随心所欲表达出预期效果的能力，那是一种舒畅和自由。
I don't know when I’ll reach that ease and freedom. Maybe the dream is wrong. Maybe that dream is exactly why I fall for them. As I master them, perhaps the filter will fade.
不知道什么时候，可以够着幻想中的舒畅和自由。也许我的幻想错了，也许正是这种幻想令我对它们产生迷恋，可能随着深入掌握，滤镜会消散。
For now, both languages keep pulling me in and then pushing me away with their complexity. I have no natural gift for language—no gliding like a fish in water. The pull of prose likely comes from early reading shocks; the pull of code from the past year of programming. Both were acquired tastes.
目前来看，这两种语言一次次令我上头，又一次次以其复杂性拒我千里。我没有语言天赋，没有如鱼得水过。文字的引力可能来自早期的阅读冲击，代码的引力来自最近一年的编程接触，均属后天经历。
Emotionally, I know unrequited crushes all too well—attracted, kept at arm's length, yet thought of day and night. That’s what’s happening again.
在情感上，我太了解暗恋了——被吸引，疏远难近又朝思暮想。这样来说，暗恋的感觉是重现了。
Here, look at the objects of my ten-year crush:
"For James, one world championship was enough. He had proved what he needed to prove—to himself and to everyone who ever doubted him. Two years later he retired. When I saw him again in London seven years after that, I was world champion and he was a radio commentator, riding a bicycle with flat tires barefoot, still living every day as if it were his last. When I heard he died of a heart attack at forty-five, I wasn't surprised—only sad. People always thought we were rivals, but he was one of the few men I liked, one of the very few I respected, and the only one I ever envied." —from the ending of Rush, slightly adapted
“对詹姆斯来说，一个世界冠军头衔就够了。他已经证明了他所需要证明的，给他自己，也给所有质疑他的人。两年后，他退役了。当七年后我再一次在伦敦见到他时，我又成了世界冠军，他是广播播报员，光脚骑着自行车，车胎还是扁的，仍旧把每天当做人生的最后一天过着。当我听说他四十五岁死于心脏病时，我并不吃惊，只感到悲伤。人们总认为我们俩是对手，但他是为数不多我所喜欢的人之一，也是我极尊重的几个人之一，更是我唯一妒忌过的人。” 来自电影《极速风流》结尾，稍有改动。
"We set out to hear that unpopular concert. From beginning to end I had no interest in it, only thinking of Dean—wondering how he got back on the train and traveled three thousand miles across that mournful land. I didn't understand why he came at all except to see me. Sitting on a broken old pier in the sunset, I looked up at the long New Jersey sky and imagined the vast primitive wilderness stretching to the West Coast—all the people dreaming on the endless road. In Iowa I always knew the evening star would hang low over the prairie in dim light before night fully came. When night arrived it would cover the earth, blacken the rivers, wrap the mountains, fold the coast. No one knows what will happen, no one—only that we all grow old miserably. I thought of Dean Moriarty. I even thought of old Dean Moriarty we had never seen, Dean Moriarty the father. I thought of Dean Moriarty. I thought of Dean Moriarty." —from the ending of On the Road, slightly modified
“我们便出发去听那个不受欢迎的音乐会，从头到底，我根本没有兴趣，只想着迪安。揣摩着他怎么回到列车上，在那片凄凉的土地上行驶三千英里，我不明白他除了看看我之外，究竟为什么要来。在夕阳下的美国，我坐在快垮掉的老河墩上，仰望新泽西上方的长空，想象那片广袤而原始的荒野，绵延不绝，在大地上隆起直至西海岸。道路远没有尽头，一切怀有梦想的人们，在没完没了的路上，纵情遐想。 在爱荷华，我始终知道， 长庚星一定会低低垂在空中，昏暗的光洒在大草原上，而这只是在夜晚还没完全降临之前。当夜晚来临，它将会笼罩大地，描黑河流，包裹山峰，折叠起海岸。没有人能预测未来会怎么样，没有人，只知道我们都会凄凉地老去。我想起了迪安·莫里亚蒂，我甚至想到了老年的迪安·莫里亚蒂，我们从未见过的身为人父的迪安·莫里亚蒂。我想到了迪安·莫里亚蒂，我想到了迪安·莫里亚蒂。” 来自小说《在路上》结尾，稍有修改。
Usually when someone in love shows a friend a photo of their crush, they gush: Isn't he handsome? Isn't he handsome?!
通常来说，把暗恋对象的照片给朋友看时，花痴们通常会似问非问道：是不是很好看，是不是很好看！
I’m the reserved type—not quite that far gone. I just ask:
我是矜持的一类人，还没花痴到那种程度。我会问：
Looks pretty good, right?
看起来还不错吧？
(Subtext: You’d better say something nice.)
（潜台词：你最好说点好听的。）