When I was little, I herded cattle.
小时候放牛，
Caked chunks of gray mud clung to the cow’s hide.
牛身上硬结灰色的泥块，
I fell asleep to the smell of muddy ditches on her body.
我闻着她浑身一股河沟的臭味睡了过去。
Suddenly, she dropped her front legs, kicked out her hind legs, and threw me to the ground.
她忽然前腿一跪，后腿一挺，将我掀倒在地。
I jolted awake just as she raised her leg, aiming it squarely at my soft belly.
我猛地醒来，只见她抬起腿，对准我薄嫩的肚皮。
I was not yet ten. A single kick would’ve torn me open.
我十岁不到，那一脚下去必定是穿肠破肚。
But at that instant, it was as if she recognized me—
刹那间，她似乎又看清了我，
and begrudgingly walked away.
悻悻地走掉。
I used to be afraid she’d toss me onto the roof with her horns—
以前我总是害怕她一头牛角把我送上屋顶，
leave me there, butt in the air, like a broken flower.
让我撅着破烂的屁股朝天盛开。
But no matter what, she never hurt me.
但不管如何，她从没伤害过我。
Later, when I went off to school, she was sold.
后来我上学，她被卖掉了。
If souls do reincarnate,
如果有灵魂转世，
I don’t know what kind of soul might’ve been trapped inside that cow.
我不知道是什么样的灵魂困在这头牛身上。
There was an old longan tree at the village entrance—no one remembered who had planted it.
村头有一棵老龙眼，不知谁人何时所植，
An old granny used to sit beneath it, spanning two centuries,
树下常坐一位老奶，从上世纪跨到本世纪，
living through nearly a hundred years—until she finally fell asleep there forever.
经历近百年的沧桑，最后在树下永远沉睡。
Strangely, after she died, the old longan tree withered too.
她死了以后，也是神奇，老龙眼也枯萎掉。
In One Hundred Years of Solitude, Melquíades says,
《百年孤独》里，梅尔基亚德斯说，
“All things have a spirit. You just have to awaken it.”
“万物皆有灵，只需要唤醒它们的灵性。”
I don’t know if that’s true.
我不知道是否如此，
But I know this: wolves can nurse their pups tenderly,
我知道的是狼会柔情哺乳，
and they can also kill without mercy.
也会嗜血猎杀，
The world runs by its own laws.
世界以其自在法则运行着。
I don’t understand existence. I can’t fathom its laws.
我搞不懂存在，参悟不透它的法则。
All I know is this:
只知道那天，
I was herding cattle in the fields.
我在田里放牛，
The cow slept in the grass,
牛趴草地上睡，
I dozed on her back.
我骑牛背上打盹，
Shade covered us both.
树荫罩着我俩，
A white wind drifted above the shade, from west to east.
白色的风在树荫上空，由西往东，
It swept through like the heavens were moving house.
浩浩荡荡如天庭搬家，
I’ve never seen so many clouds in my life.
我一辈子没见过这么多云。
June 7, 2023 — Jinhe Bay
二零二三年六月七日，金河湾