I recently saw a question on Zhihu: “My daughter is 18. She took a year off because of depression and now she’s back in school. How can I help her?”
在知乎看到这个问题时，我感到一股情绪涌上心头。
Many parents never realize how serious depression is. They think their child is just “being dramatic.” You, at least, are standing on your child’s side.
很多抑郁的孩子，他们的父母并不知道问题的严重性，只会觉得孩子在“作”。你至少是站在孩子身边的。
We want our children to achieve things. But we forget that above all, we want them healthy and safe. If they can’t be dragons or phoenixes, let them sit by the road and clap. If they can’t do great things, we can at least care for their mind and body.
我们希望子女有所成就，但忘了最重要的是他们健康平安。不能成龙成凤，就允许他们坐在路边拍手。干不成大事，就关心身体和心理。
Less expectation. More understanding. More conversation. Maybe then, we and our children can pass through this life peacefully.
少一些期待，多一些理解，多一些沟通。也许这样，我们和子女都能平平安安地过完这一生。
Don’t forget: We only exist in this world for a short while.
别忘了，我们只是短暂地存在于世。
I. The Immediate Triage: Prioritize Belonging Over Achievement
The core value proposition when your daughter returns to school is simple: protecting her social connection and safety, not academic results. School is hard for her right now. Your immediate action must be to drastically reduce friction.
孩子复学很艰难，那就跟老师、校长商量一下。
Negotiate with the teachers and the principal. Ask them not to treat her as a normal student—don’t require her to hand in homework, take exams, or get certain scores. Also ask them to keep her past confidential. Just let her be a “little harmless slacker” in class.
请求他们 不要按正常学生的要求去对待她：不管作业、不管考试、不管分数。也请他们 保密她过去的病情。让她在学校里当一个没有学业压力的“小废物”。
Tell her: Don’t worry about homework. Don’t worry about exams. Don’t worry about college or jobs or what classmates think. Just stay with the group. Learn what you like. Rest when tired.
告诉孩子：不要担心作业、考试、大学、未来、他人眼光。只要好好待在集体里，按照兴趣去学习，累了就休息。
This approach is mainly to keep her inside the circle of people her age. Long-term isolation at home, coupled with loneliness and spiraling thoughts, may worsen things.
这样做，核心是 不要让她脱离同龄人的集体生活。长期休学在家，孤独和胡思乱想会让问题更严重。
If she truly wants to stay home, let her take leave. A degree is not the only path. Even many university graduates today are unemployed.
当然，如果她确实想在家，也可以请假。人生有很多路，不只有“上学—文凭—工作”这一条。如今大学生就业难，这条路也不是铁定能走通。
Beyond school, ensure she maintains external support:
- Medication: If medication is needed, take medication.
- Therapy: If therapy is needed, get therapy.
- Environment: Understand the factors—home, school, others—and improve what can be improved.
在这之外，该吃药吃药，该治疗治疗。了解家庭、学校、其他因素，能改善的就尝试改善。
II. The Long-Term Cure: Depression as Limited Vision
A reader reminded me of something crucial: Sometimes it’s not the parents who can’t let the child go—it’s the child who can’t let herself go.
有个读者提醒我一个我忽略的点：有时不是父母不放过孩子，是孩子自己不放过自己。
I understand this. When I was young, I had bad skin and felt inferior. I pursued girls anyway and got rejected, which made things worse. I didn’t let myself go. My dad tried to enlighten me, sent me essays, but the effect was limited.
我理解，因为我有体会。年轻时我皮肤不好，自卑。情窦初开去追女生，被拒绝，更自卑。我没放过自己。我爸开导我、给我发文章，但作用有限。
The solution that truly helped me was reading.
真正帮助我的，是阅读。
From the perspective of thought, depression is essentially a limit in vision.
从思想层面看，抑郁本质是 视野受限。
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Subjective Vision Limit: Believing only what they see and feel is true. 主观视野受限：我看到的、我感觉的就是真的。
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Objective Vision Limit: Being unaware of what they do and don't know. 客观视野受限：我不知道我知道和不知道的东西。
Reading expands vision and provokes thought. It expands both width and depth, and that is a weapon for growth. In university, I read widely—literature, history, philosophy, logic. Little by little, the collapsed version of myself began to “stand up.”
阅读的作用，是拓展视野与启发思考。大学时我读了大量文学，后来是传记、历史、哲学、逻辑等，也做了许多思考，慢慢萎靡的自我“站”了起来。
Reading lifted me out of love troubles and personal shame, and placed me on a higher vantage point, where I could see the vast world and my tiny position within it.
它让我跳出儿女情长和个人荣辱，站到更高的位置俯瞰大千世界和自己的渺小。
I’ve known several friends with depression. I know it’s not simple. But helping them widen their field of view—helping them step out of their mental cage—is the method I’ve seen work.
我接触过几个抑郁的朋友，知道事情没有那么简单。但整体方向是带着他们扩大视野、跳出局限。这是我看到最有效的方法。