I don’t have kids yet. But if I did, I’d have to face these forty questions. They came from pure thought. Maybe they should be more rigorous, but this is a start. How many parents can take these forty punches?
我还没有孩子。如果有的话，我得扪心自问这四十个问题。它们是我纯想的，也许应该设计得更加严谨，姑且先这样。这四十拳打下去,会有多少父母受得住呢?
1. When was the last time you had a real talk with your kid? And how long did it last?
- 你上次和孩子谈心是什么时候?谈了多久呢？
2. Have you ever asked your kid to judge your performance as a parent? How does he see you?
- 你有没有尝试过,让你的孩子评价你作为父母的表现?他是如何看待你的呢?
3. Have you ever asked your kid to score how much he trusts you, from 0 to 10? Were you surprised by his distrust?
- 你有没有尝试过,让你的孩子对你做信任评分，0～10打分?他对你的不信任令你意外吗?
4. If you dropped the roles of “adult” and “parent” and just became his friend, what would you do?
- 如果你愿意放下成年人和父母的身份,和你的孩子做朋友，你会做什么？
5. Do you know what his emotional life looks like? Do you know who he likes?
- 你了解孩子的情感生活是怎么样的,知道他喜欢什么人吗?
6. Do you know his close friends? Do you know what those friends think of him?
- 你了解孩子有哪些好朋友吗,你知道他的朋友怎么评价你的孩子吗?
7. Do you know what books he has read, and which ideas he thinks are great?
- 你了解你孩子看过什么书,知道他认为什么观点很棒吗?
8. Do you ever talk to him about your own life? Does he know your friends? Your worries?
- 你主动跟你的孩子聊过你的生活吗?他知道你有哪些好朋友吗?他知道你忧虑什么吗?
9. Do you know the biggest wound you’ve given him? Do you care about his inner life?
- 你知道你对孩子最大的伤害和给他的心理阴影是什么吗？你关心他的心灵健康吗？
10. When you talk, can you tell advice from sharing? Can you listen without teaching?
- 在和孩子谈心时,你能区分什么是说教,什么是分享?你能保持倾听而不提供建议和教导吗？
11. As a kid, did you like listening to your parents talk? What kind of talk reached your heart?
- 小时候你也很听你爸妈的话吗?喜欢听他们说教吗?你爸妈怎样跟你说话，你是听进心里的？
12. When caring for your kid, do you use the way you prefer or the way he can accept?
- 在关心孩子的过程中,是经常用你喜欢的方式,还是用他容易接受的方式比较多?
13. If someone gives you advice, you don’t follow it, and they get angry—how do you see that?
- 如果别人给你提供建议,你在生活中并没有遵循他的建议,而提建议的人就发怒,你怎么看这件事?
14. Do you think you’re a model your kid learns from? What have you done for that?
- 你觉得你是孩子学习的榜样吗?在这方面你做了什么工作吗？
15. What kind of person do you think you must become to deserve being his role model?
- 你觉得自己应该成为什么样,才值得是你孩子学习的榜样?
16. What parts of you are not worth copying?
- 你觉得自己身上哪些不值得孩子学习?
17. Have you told him your strengths and weaknesses?
- 你跟你的孩子提过你自己身上的优点和缺点吗?
18. What does he do better than you?
- 有什么事情,你觉得孩子做得比你还好?
19. Do you often ask him for advice in the areas where he’s better?
- 在那些他做得你比好的事情上,你有经常请教他,听他的意见吗?
20. Do you praise him often, both in private and in front of others?
- 你有没有经常当面赞赏和在众人面前赞赏他做得不错的地方?
21. What does he think you do well?
- 在孩子心里,他觉得你什么地方做得比较好的呢?
22. Without your years of pain and lessons, how do you expect him to understand your life wisdom?
- 如果他没有你多年的经历和教训,你觉得他如何才能理解你的人生心得和生活经验?
23. What flaws in you have become obstacles to his growth?
- 你有发现自身哪些不足,成为限制孩子成长的不利因素?
24. When you lose your temper, do you know you’re losing it? Is it a tactic or a failure of control?
- 对孩子发脾气的时候,你意识到自己发脾气吗,它是你的策略,还是你控制不住自己的结果?
25. Have you ever asked him what kind of parents he wishes he had?
- 你问过你的孩子,他们喜欢什么样的父母吗?
26. Is your marriage the model for his future marriage?
- 你的婚姻是你孩子未来婚姻的榜样吗?
27. In what ways do you need him to help watch and correct you?
- 有什么地方,是需要孩子帮忙监督和督促你的呢?
28. What have you done to broaden his view of the world?
- 你为培养孩子的广阔视野做过哪些事情?
29. When he’s willful, does he bear the cost of that willfulness?
- 孩子现在的那些任性,任性的结果是他自己承担吗?
30. Have you talked with him about the past consequences of his willfulness?
- 你有没有和他谈心过,聊过他以前任性的结果?
31. Do you care more about him doing things well, or learning how to do things well?
- 你觉得孩子把事情做好比较重要,还是他学会如何把事情做好比较重要?
32. What have you done to build his independence?
- 你为培养孩子的独立性做过什么事情?
33. What major decisions have you let him make on his own?
- 你放手让你的孩子做过哪些重要的决定?
34. Do you watch a lot of short videos and TV shows?
- 你平时看短视频和电视剧看得多还是少?
35. If you were him, could you resist these temptations?
- 如果你是你的孩子,面对短视频和游戏的诱惑,你能控制得住自己吗?
36. Have you found something more attractive than short videos, games, or TV?
- 你自己有没有找到比短视频/游戏/电视剧更有吸引力的事物?
37. Have you shown him how you’re pulled toward these meaningful things?
- 你有没有向你的孩子分享和展示你如何被这些有价值的事物所吸引?
38. Have you ever talked with him about what certain videos or games teach him?
- 你有没尝试过和他交流探讨,某些短视频/游戏给他的认知和学习?
39. When you studied as a kid, did you enjoy learning? Can you show him the joy of learning now?
- 你读书的时候,享受学习吗?你现在能向你的孩子展示学习和进步的乐趣吗?
40. What are you learning or struggling with now? Have you shared that with him?
- 你现在有哪些学习/探索/困难,你有和你的孩子分享吗?