Preface
A few days ago I witnessed a strikingly beautiful thing. It was non-ordinary and beautiful.
前几天，我看到了一个非常漂亮的事件，非同一般的漂亮。
It was too rare: Liaozhi (my girlfriend) and I don't often have conflicts. On this day, I didn't trust her. I saw the process by which my mistrust was generated. The beautiful thing was that I also saw the truth on her side. The deviation between my mistrust and the truth unfolded before me, and then, the blocked "flow of feeling" (情流) was able to continue flowing.
太罕见了：我和灵子（女朋友）没有经常发生矛盾，这天，我不信任她，我看到了自己产生不信任的历程，漂亮的是我还看到她那边的真相，不信任和真相之间的偏差展开在我眼前，而后，受阻的“情流”得以继续流动。
The reason it is rare is that people do not often perceive the tiny changes in their own behavior and psychology, such as mistrust forming. Furthermore, you often won't tell someone you don't trust them. And if you do tell them, you must proactively seek the truth, or the other party must be willing to describe their side of the situation. Their description also needs to be clear. Finally, you must trust that the descriptions are true. Only then does this fleeting scene unfold.
罕见的原因在于，人不会时常觉察到自身行为和心理的变化,比如不信任。而且，不信任一个人，你往往不会告诉对方。再则，你告诉对方，还得你主动去寻求真相，或者对方愿意跟你描述对面的情况。还得，对方的描述是清晰的。最后，你信任那些描述是真实的。如此下来，这昙花一现的景象才铺开。
01 Background (背景)
Initially, Lingzi wanted me to lend her some money for a while. She's an insurance planner and needed cash to buy a product; she would return the money after payday. We do this from time to time, so I transferred the money—under ten thousand. After the transfer, my intuition said something was wrong. Why another ten-thousand-level expense? This would consume several months of her savings to refill. Premature consumption is not a good habit. Good habits should involve cautious risk control, not optimistic projections of the future.
起初，灵子想找我周转资金。她是保险规划师，想买一款产品要用到一笔钱，等发工资再转回我。我们时常这样干，我就把钱转过去了，一万不到。转完后，我直觉不对呀，怎么又要支出一万多？这个又得耗费她好几个的结余才能填补。提前消费并不是一个好习惯。好习惯应当是具有谨慎的风险控制，而不是乐观地预计未来。
So I asked, "What are your current debts?" She listed her debts, and I saw an extra expense of over six thousand. I heard that it included a gym membership she purchased. I had underestimated it to be around one thousand, and that gym wasn't even open yet, it was opening next month. It made no sense. My intuition told me she might have been charmed by the gym salesman's sweet words and masculine hormones, losing her reason. She said the gym was right upstairs from her office and was convenient, and she wanted to use the fee to motivate herself to work out. Still, it made no sense; if she wanted to exercise, she could start at home now for zero cost and begin acting. However, it was understandable, as one thousand-plus is not a large expense—for a two-year membership.
于是我问：“你现在的债务如何”。她把债务清单列了出来，一看，咦怎么多了一笔六千多的支出。我听下来，其中包含她购买一个健身房的会员。我低估着，一千多呢，而且那家健身房是下个月开业，还不是已经在营业。没道理，我直觉就是她是不是被健身房小哥的甜言蜜语和男性荷尔蒙所蒙蔽了理智。她说，那家健身房就在公司楼上，很方便，她想通过付费督促自己锻炼。还是没道理，她既然想健身，完全可以从现在起在家里零成本健身，先行动起来。不过也是可以理解，一千多也不算大额支出，两年会员。
However, I was still worried about her debt. I said, "Show me this month's bookkeeping." Lingzi has a very good habit of keeping detailed monthly accounts. I can't do that myself; the best I do is control the large numbers by matching spending to income. She hoped I wouldn't scold her, and I promised, then she sent the spending details screenshot. I saw a large entertainment expense I didn't understand.
不过我还是有些担心她的债务。我说：“你给我看看这个月的记账嘛”。灵子有个非常好的习惯，就是每月记账，事无巨细地记。我自己做不到，我做得最好的，就是以收入定支出控制大数。她希望看完不能骂她，我答应了她才把支出明细截图过来。我一看，娱乐休闲有一笔大支出，没明白是什么。
She finally admitted that the gym membership fee was not one thousand-plus, but over six thousand. Huh? Over six thousand! I was already dissatisfied with her consumption view; she always optimistically estimates her job will give her stable cash flow and consumes ahead. I believe that large consumption is fine, but it should be within her current capacity. You don't know where you might need money in the future, or even if the future money will actually arrive. If you spend the future money ahead of time, the risk is immediately exposed, and life will be difficult to handle calmly. Therefore, my real opinion is not that she can't make large expenditures, but that they must be used effectively, and consumption should match her current ability. I believed she should bear the consequences of her consumption view. So I asked her to transfer the money back; she would have to figure out a solution herself, perhaps learning from the lesson.
她终于坦言，那笔健身房的会员，不是一千多，而是六千多。嗯？六千多！我原本对她的消费观就不满意，她总是乐观估计工作能给她稳定的现金流，于是提前消费。而我认为，消费大没有问题，不过应当在现有能力范围之内，你不知道未来哪里需要用到钱，甚至未来的钱还不知道能不能到账，如果提前把未来的钱消费掉，这风险一下子就暴露，生活将会难以淡定。因此我真正的意见在于，不是不能大额支出，而是它花在刀刃上，而且有多大能力，做多大的消费。我认为，她的消费观所带来的，应当由她承担。于是我让她把钱转回来，她得自己想办法解决一下，也许她能从教训中获得调整。
She felt she was wrong, that she shouldn't have consumed ahead like this, and just a few days ago, she had told her roommate to fine her for buying things randomly and to uninstall Taobao, so she wouldn't give herself a chance to mess up. I asked if she could consult with me on large expenditures in the future, and she readily agreed. Her attitude was so good that I wanted to transfer the money back to her, but she refused. And the six thousand-plus gym expense, in my view, still wasn't too much; if she could learn a lesson and adjust her consumption view, compared to a possible large premature expenditure of hundreds of thousands in the future, this six thousand tuition fee was well worth it.
她觉得自己错了，确实不应该这样提前消费，而且前几天还跟舍友说，以后要是乱买东西，就罚她钱。还要把淘宝卸载掉，不给自己机会乱来。我说以后，大额支出能否跟我商量一下，她非常爽快的答应。她态度实在太好了，转回给我的钱，我又想给她转过去，不过她说不要了。而且那六千多的健身消费，在我看来仍不算多，比起未来可能几十万的大额提前消费，如果她从中能得到教训调整消费观，这六千的学费非常值。
02 My Mistrust (我的不信任)
This happened in the evening and was considered resolved for the time being.
这是晚上的事，算是告一段落。
But I couldn't sleep well at night. I couldn't understand how she decided on the six-thousand-plus expense. Was she swayed by a young guy adding her on WeChat, or was she tempted by the gym's handsome muscles? More importantly, she initially concealed the truth. During the process, I mentioned the one thousand-plus amount several times, and she didn't correct me until much later, when she revealed the truth. From this, it is reasonable to imagine: did she conceal anything else, and could what she concealed potentially jeopardize the foundation of our relationship?
可是夜里我睡不安稳，我没理解她决定六千多消费的过程。是不是被小哥哥加个微信就给搞定了，是不是那健身房的漂亮肌肉给诱惑到了。更重要的是，她开始是隐瞒着真相的，过程中我几次提到一千多的金额，她也没有纠正，直到后面才道出真相。由此可以合理想象，她是不是还隐瞒了什么，那所隐瞒的事情，会不会很可能危及我们的情感基础？
My mistrust began here. The next morning, I messaged her: "I suddenly feel like I don't particularly trust you. You don't know what she did innocently, and what she concealed, which has planted a seed. I somewhat understand those 'reasonable suspicions.' When you see a person capable of doing such a thing, witnessing that behavior logic, you will 'unconsciously and reasonably imagine' what else she did similarly, in the past, present, and future. For example, her inability to weigh needs against the selection of fulfillment methods. Similarly, she will meet many, many young men at the gym, add them on WeChat to chat. She has physiological and psychological needs; might she have more contact with other boys at some appropriate time, even as one of the solutions to satisfy her needs? Will she feel, 'this one is great, that one is great, I want them all'? And when these things happen, will she conceal them just the same?"
我的不信任就此开始。第二天一早，我给她发信息：“我突然觉得自己对你不是特别信任了，你不知道她天真地做了什么，又隐瞒了什么，像种子一样种了下来。我有些理解那些“合理怀疑”，你见识一个人可以作出那样的事，目睹她有那样的行为逻辑，你就会“不由合理想象”，她还做了什么类似的，在过去，现在和未来。比如她无法权衡满足需求和实现方式的筛选，类似的，她会在健身房遇上很多很多的小哥哥，加微信聊天，她有生理和心理需求，会不会在一些合适的时候和其他男生有更多的接触，乃至成为满足需求的方案之一。她会不会觉得，这个也很好，那个也很好，各有各的好，都想要。当这些发生时，她会不会照样隐瞒起来。”
"I have a doubt: what percentage of the decision to purchase, from contact to the final decision, was influenced by the male hormone factor? My intuition tells me you were influenced by thirty to forty percent, and I want to verify if my intuition is skewed. I also have a conflict in my mind: rationally, I want to respect her freedom, but emotionally, I hope to see her maintain loyal principles and self-awareness. I feel I don't understand the details of your principles. Just like last night, I initially heard it was one thousand-plus and mentioned it several times, but you didn't correct me. It was only later when I proactively asked to see the bill that you started being honest and corrected me."
“我有个疑惑，你从接触到决定购买的过程，男性荷尔蒙的因素占几成？我的直觉告诉我你有三四成，我想验证一下我的直觉是不是偏了。而且心理有些矛盾，理智上我想尊重她的自由，但是情感上又希望看到她有着忠诚的原则和自觉。我感觉你的原则细节我不了解。就像昨晚，我开始我听成一千多，也说了几次一千多，但是你没有纠正我。是后面我主动想看账单你才开始坦诚给我纠正。”
03 Lingzi’s Details Unfold (灵子的细节铺开)
Lingzi said: "Does my financial crisis have to trigger a trust crisis?"
灵子说：“难道因为我的财务危机，要引发信任危机了吗？“
"The gym you saw yesterday, and the computer last time, are all the overspending purchases, all triggered by premature consumption. I knew you would definitely be angry and disagree, so I was timid. Not daring to speak out was also because I knew you wouldn't allow it, so when you said the wrong amount, I wanted to go along with the mistake and bluff my way through. But I was already prepared: if you really wanted to see the bill, I would give it to you. The true record is written right there."
“你昨天所见的健身房，和上次的电脑，就是所有的超支消费了，都是超前消费引发的，知道你肯定会生气，不同意，所以就心虚。不敢说出来也是知道你不允许，所以当你说错金额时，我也想将错就错，蒙混过关。但是我已经准备好了，你真的要看账本，那也是会给你的。真实的记录就写在上面。”
I asked: "In our relationship, how would you score your expressed loyalty, with ten being absolutely no consideration of establishing intimacy with anyone else?"
我问：“在我们的关系里，对于你自己表现出来的忠诚度，你打几分，十分满分是丝毫不考虑和其他人再建立亲密关系。”
My own answer was: "For the exclusivity and loyalty I offer, I give myself 9 points. There are a few factors here, one of which I may not have mentioned to you. When I was doing finance at CCCC, there was an assistant, and we had some mutual affection. I told Yin Wenke (Note: ex-girlfriend) about this, and she was unhappy for quite a while. This was the first time I learned from a partner about the human need for loyalty and exclusivity in a relationship. In my own self-awareness, I also do not want to be treated non-exclusively. This is experience, and it made me understand one thing: for an emotional relationship to bear fruit and deepen, it requires an environment of exclusivity and trust. Otherwise, it will be stuck on crude instincts. Crude instincts will say, 'They are all good things, I want them all, I want a crowd of wives and concubines.' The one point I deducted for myself is right here: instinct will have thoughts, imagining having sexual relations with other women, venting primitive desires."
我自己的回答是：“对于我给出的专一和忠诚，我给自己打 9 分。这里面有几个因素，其中一个我可能没跟你提过。以前在中交做财务的时候，有一个小跟班，我们互有些好感，我跟尹文可（注：前女友）说了这件事，她就好一阵的不高兴。这是我第一次从对象那儿了解到，人在情感中对忠诚专一的需求。而自我觉察里，我也并不愿没有被专一对待。这是经验，它令我明白一件事，要让情感关系开花结果，让它推进到深处，需要专一和信任的环境。否则就卡在粗糙的本能上，粗糙的本能会说，都是好东西，我都想要，妻妾满群。我给自己少的那一分，就在这，本能会有念头，想象和其他女人发生性关系，把原始的欲望发泄出来。”
I said: "My underlying desire is for a long-term stable relationship. I want to experience a sufficiently good emotional relationship. If achieving this requires giving an exclusive emotional attitude, my reason will always serve as a constraint, reminding myself and restraining myself when crude instincts surface."
我：“我的底层是，我想要长久稳定的关系，我想体验足够好的情感关系，如果实现这点需要给出专一的情感态度，我的理智会始终成为一个约束，在粗糙的本能露头时，提醒自己、自我约束。”
I continued: "So far, there has been no third party causing interference in our relationship. It's quite good for now. However, a true, complete situation should face the interference of a third party, which is an expected scenario that should emerge. Intimate relationships are bound to undergo the test of a third party."
我：“到目前为止，我们的关系里还没有造成干扰的第三者。目前来说是挺好的，不过真实完整的情况，应该会面临第三者的干扰，是个本应该露出的苗头，本应该出现的情况。亲密关系也必然会经历第三者的考验。”
Lingzi: "The gym boys can't exactly sell cards by taking off their clothes, can they? Of course, they were conventionally dressed. And I don't get excited about muscles; I get excited about psychological depth. Gentle, weak boys are my aesthetic; muscular men are not."
灵子：“这个健身房的小哥哥，总不能脱掉衣服卖卡吧？当然都是常规穿着。而且我对肌肉那些的，不上头，对心理层面的才上头。文文弱弱的男孩子才是我的审美，肌肉男不是。”
Lingzi continued: "Taking it one step further, what if I did get hooked up? First, I have social anxiety. Second, I am physiologically unable to accept contact with unfamiliar people. Third, I have psychological mistrust and insecurity. It's too difficult to overcome these three major obstacles."
灵子：“往进说一步，勾搭上了又能怎么样呢？第一层我社恐，第二层我生理上接受不了不熟的人的接触，第三层我心理上不信任不安全。要翻越这三层大山，太难了。”
Lingzi concluded: "So I give my loyalty 8 points. I feel that if there were a young man, I would probably tell you. After all, I can't keep secrets; I tell you everything, even trivial things. The two points remaining for loyalty are not because I am disloyal or planning to cheat, but because I don't have your firm willpower and self-control. Being a chaotic and wavering person like me, I don't have your solid foundation, so I deduct these two points."
灵子：“所以我给自己的忠诚打 8 分。我感觉有小哥哥我应该会跟你说。毕竟我瞒不住，芝麻大点事都要跟你讲。对忠诚度打 8 分，满意度打 9 分。忠诚度里剩下的这两分，不是来自于我不忠诚，或者就准备好了红杏出墙，而是因为我没有你那样子坚定的意志力，还有自控力，像我这样混乱又摇摆不定的人，我没有你那么坚固的底层，所以我少打这两分。”
Lingzi: "Furthermore, the two salesmen were not skillful, manipulative, or showing off muscles, which is why I bought it. It was precisely because they were more gentle and had a shy awkwardness about selling, and they didn't push me hard. This shyness and timidity, which I also see in myself, didn't bring me a sense of pressure; the approach made me comfortable, which is why I bought it."
灵子：“然后那两个销售的小哥哥，恰恰不是因为技巧多高超，多缠人多秀肌肉，才买的。恰恰是因为，他们俩比较斯文，有一种不好意思销售的羞涩，而且不会紧推着你。这种不好意思和腼腆，我在自己身上也看到了，恰恰是没给我带来压迫感，那个尺度让我舒适，我才买滴。“
Lingzi: "Sweetheart, this was truly based on demand. I tried my best to use my reason to think about this because I knew this was an expenditure beyond my current capacity, so I had to be cautious. The demand matched, the distance was short, two years happened to fit my planned timeline as a housekeeper, and the determination to start exercising—these were the core factors for the purchase."
灵子：“甜心，这可真的是基于需求。我当时尽可能地放出我的理智思考了这件事，因为我知道这是一笔超过我当前能力的支出，所以必须要慎重。需求适配，距离短，两年刚好符合我做管家的期限，决心要健身，这些才是成交的核心因素。”
Lingzi: "Also, another reason is that this kind of high-end club can bring a sense of vanity satisfaction. It brings new experiences, and I wanted to experience it, which is why I bought it. It has nothing to do with the young men. I would have bought it with any two young men, as long as they weren't repulsive. The key to this problem is that I consumed ahead, not that a young man caused a third-party issue. I didn't even see him before buying. After buying, seeing them was just so-so. My aesthetic really isn't about muscles. The first salesman was handing out cards, and the difference from others was that others were smoking and pushing hard rudely, while he was more gentle. The second guy was the one who explained things to me at their press conference, and he was wearing a white T-shirt—that is a person who works out; the first one wasn't. I stayed at the conference for no more than 15-20 minutes and went back to the office after listening."
灵子：“另外，还有一个原因，就是这种高端会所，可以带来虚荣心的满足。会带来新的体验，我想去体验，才买的，跟小哥哥，真没什么关系。换两个小哥哥，只要不招致反感，我都会买。这个问题的关键在于我超前消费了，而不是小哥哥出现了第三者。买之前都没看到呢，买完了看到也就那样吧。我的审美真的不在肌肉上，第一个销售的小哥，是发卡片的，区别于其他人就是，其他人都是叼着大烟，很粗鲁一上来就强推销，他比较斯文，然后第二个小哥，是我去了他们发布会，他负责给我讲，然后他穿了件白 T，这个才是健身的人，第一个不是。我在发布会停留的时间，应该不超过 15-20 分钟，听完我就回公司了。”
Lingzi: "And I completely let it sit for two days, saying I needed to consider it, until the three days of the press conference were over. On the last night, I ran into him in the elevator lobby. I was going up for a meeting. He recognized me, didn't say much, and just said hello. He was genuinely gentle, not aggressively pushing sales or using those sales tactics. That day, I finished the meeting late, around 10:30 PM, and I bought it around 11:00 PM that night. I was genuinely sober and thought it through deeply. The young man simply had no tempting power."
灵子：“然后我是完全晾了两天，说我考虑考虑，等发布会三天都结束了。最后一天晚上，在电梯口碰到他了，我还要上去开会，他认出来了，没多说啥，就打了个招呼。真的很斯文，没有硬推销你，也没有那些话术。那天开完会下来都晚上十点半了，那天晚上十一点多买的吧。真的挺清醒的，深思熟虑，小哥哥根本不存在诱惑力。”
I asked: "Then, was there perhaps a three-tenths factor of understanding, where, just like you struggle to close deals yourself, you felt the salesmen weren't having it easy, leading you to place the order?"
我问：“那是不是有三成的理解在里面，就像你自己做业务，不容易达成，觉得推销的小哥他们也不容易，从而下单？”
Lingzi: "Feeling it's not easy is out of compassion. But I didn't pity them; it's just that their personality type wouldn't push me away as a customer, unlike those who smoke cigars. They simply managed not to repel me, that's all. Oh, and another reason!"
灵子：“觉得不容易，是出于怜悯。但我没有怜悯他们，只是这类性格至少不会像抽大烟的一样，把我这个客户推走。他们只是做到了不让我反感，就这样。对了，还有一个原因！”
Lingzi: "The salesman's name was the same as an ex-boyfriend's, which brought up a sense of melancholy. If this has a cause related to a person, it's not related to this salesman, it's related to the ex—but not really, it's my emotion. At least I feel this gym had a destiny with me, hitting my needs from multiple angles. I've explained too much to you; can this kind of detailed linguistic description give you a sense of security, Sweetheart?"
灵子：“推销小哥的名字，跟前男友一样，然后就有种伤怀冒出来。这个若是跟人有原因，也不是跟这个销售有原因，那是跟前任有原因，但又不是，是我的情绪。至少我觉得这个健身房是和我有缘分的，多方面戳中我需求的。我跟你解释了太多，这种语言描述的细节，能让你有安全感吗？甜心。”
I said: "No, that won't. What I want to know are precisely these details. My starting point for questioning is to know the facts, not to judge. It's not a confident interrogation but a curiosity to know the facts behind it."
我说：“那不会。我想知道的正是这些细节。我想知道事实是如何的，我的提问出发点是这个，而不是审判。不是带着某种笃定的质疑，而是带着想知道背后事实的疑惑。”
Lingzi also mentioned: "Another reason is that I have a colleague who does classical dance. The gym has a dance series, and I want to learn because running makes me short of breath, but dancing is suitable; it can stretch my muscles and bones. I didn't tell you because I'm not very graceful, and I'm timid and unconfident in this area. If I can learn, showing it to Sweetheart (though I might be too shy) would be a surprise. If I don't learn, it's normal not to let you know, and there's no loss. Also, I have neck and shoulder pain, and they have physical therapy—it's a comprehensive mix of everything."
灵子：“还有一个原因，就是我有一个同事，她跳古典舞。然后健身房有一个系列是舞蹈，我想去学，因为跑步喘不上气，但是跳舞合适，可以舒展筋骨这些。没跟你说是因为，我不是很有舞蹈细胞，在这方面我是畏怯的，不自信的。如果能学会，跳给甜心看（但我大概放不开），是惊喜。没学会，就不让你知道，也是正常，没损失什么。还有一个，我肩颈疼，他们还有理疗，就啥都有的大杂烩。”
Lingzi summarized: "In short, the demand matched, the distance was short, two years happened to fit my housekeeper timeline, and the determination to work out. The high-end satisfied vanity, the shower was convenient, it was upstairs, just an elevator ride away. I can learn dance, physio, yoga, cycling, running, and swimming—basically all the sports I do few of, need to do, and want to do are covered. Plus, the price was right: buy one year get one free, so six thousand-plus for two years. I wouldn't have taken one year, but two years was just right. This is the value for money I can accept psychologically. I never intended to go for the tens of thousands ones. I am truly a customer with an adapted demand. The young man had absolutely no impact on the deviation of the decision."
灵子：“总结起来就是，需求适配，距离短，两年刚好符合我做管家的期限，决心要健身。高端满足需荣心，淋浴方便，就在楼上，按个电梯就能去。可以学舞，可以理疗，可以瑜伽，可以自行车，跑步，游泳，基本上我为数不多会做的运动和需要的运动和想去做的运动类型都有。再加上价格合适吧，买一年送一年，所以就是六千多两年，一年我是不会要了，两年倒是刚好。这是我心理上能接受的性价比的价格。那些一两三四万的，根本没打算去。我真的是个适配的有需求的客户。小哥哥根本不影响决策的偏离度。”
Lingzi concluded: "I'm different from you. I feel that if someone has suspicion and conjecture about you, words are powerless. The more you say, the more you sound like you're justifying yourself. (But the fact is, the more you say, the clearer the objective facts and details become.) I also feel a great sense of shame during the process of stating these details to you. It's like a bad girl waiting for her partner to judge whether she crossed the line, and I feel very uneasy."
灵子：“我跟你不一样，我会觉得，一个人对你有怀疑和臆测了，言语就是无力的。说的越多，越是狡辩。（但事实是说的越多客观事实细节越清晰）和你陈述细节的过程，我也觉得很有羞耻感。像一个等着对象审判你到底出没出格的坏女孩，我也很不安。”
At this point, the true situation from her side was laid out.
至此，对面的真实情况铺了出来。
04 My "Reasonable Imagination" (我的“合理想象”)
I said: "I will use emotion and intuition, but I will be aware of them, not unconscious. For example, the initial feeling of mistrust, the intuitive judgment that masculine hormones attracted you. These need to be spoken out and expressed, not because I am confident they are reasonable, but to present my real reaction so you know."
我说：“我会用情感、直觉，但我会意识到它们而不是无意识。比如起初不信任的感觉，比如觉得男性荷尔蒙吸引你的直觉判断。这些有必要说出来，表达出来不是我笃定它们是合理的，而是呈现我真实的反应让你知道。”
"And on the other hand, my reason will remain focused on understanding the details behind it, seeing exactly what it is like, and then using that to examine my initial feeling and intuition, to see where they deviate from the facts, thus adjusting my cognition and intuition."
“而另外一块，我的理性会保持在，去了解背后的细节，看它到底是怎样的，再根据它来审视最初的感觉、直觉，去看出它们偏离事实的地方，从而调整自己的认知和直觉。”
"Looking at it now, my mistrust stemmed from a 'reasonable imagination.' Look: the act of concealment, the gym boy, the six-thousand-plus expenditure—it naturally leads to the 'reasonable imagination': was she fooled by someone, or is she hiding some important emotion? These 'reasonable imaginations' are ultimately traced back to information asymmetry. I only knew certain pieces of information, and linking them led to a conclusion, such as mistrust. Looking back now, my intuition, my mistrust, was wrong; it wasn't even close to the facts."
“现在看来，我的不信任源自一种”合理想象“。你看，隐瞒的行为，健身房小哥哥，六千多的一笔消费，自然而然令人”合理想象“，是不是她被什么人给忽悠了，是不是隐瞒什么重要的情感？这些“合理想象”，进一步溯源就是信息不对称。我只知道某些信息，它们联想起来就会有某种结论，比如不信任。现在看回我的直觉、不信任，它就是错的，一点都不沾边。”
05 Truly Beautiful and Precise (实在漂亮精美)
It was too beautiful, too exquisite; the texture and details were clearly visible.
太漂亮，太精美了，纹理细节清晰可见。
On one hand, it let me witness firsthand the ins and outs of how mistrust arises between people. The mistrust came from me; this was a real-life case, not in a book, not in a concept, not from others' mouths, not in abstract poetry, but in my life, right within me, spontaneously given by me.
一方面，它让我亲眼见识，人与人之间产生不信任的的来龙去脉，不信任由我发出，这是一个真实案例，不在书里、概念里、别人的口中、抽象的诗间，而在我的生活里，就在我身上，是我不由自主给出的。
On the other hand, the decision-making process of others is a black box to me. I am purely curious to know which elements influence an action. Lingzi sensed and laid out the decision-making process for me, which greatly satisfied me, especially the detailed coincidence like the salesman's name being similar to an ex-boyfriend's. I had never clearly seen how a complex decision unfolds in another person.
另一方面，他人决策过程对我来说就是黑箱子。我想知道一个行为背后有哪些要素影响着，这纯属好奇。灵子把决策过程觉察出来并铺开给我，这令我大为满意，尤其是像销售小哥和前男友名字相近的细节，非常细致。我就没清楚地看到过，一个复杂的决策在他人身上是如何发生。
Furthermore, it let me experience how to eliminate mistrust and similar emotional barriers. It's like the flow of feeling between two people was blocked, but after the honest communication from both sides, the channel was unblocked again, and the emotion continued to flow back and forth between the two hearts, flowing even better. I now call this thing the "flow of feeling" (情流), the moving current within an intimate relationship.
再者，它让我体会到，消除不信任以及类似的情感隔阂，就像流动在两个人的情感受阻，而经过双方的如何坦诚交流，渠道再次疏通，情感继续在两个人的心间来回流动，流动得甚至更好。这玩意，我现在称之为“情流”，亲密关系里流动的事物。
If two people in an emotional relationship have already moved beyond the roughness of primitive instinct and inflated desires, treating each other exclusively—meaning they share a common position. If they then fall into "reasonable imagination" without self-awareness, and mistrust that could have been eliminated is buried in the relationship, that would be a great pity.
如果说两个人在一段情感关系里，已经能越过原始本能的粗糙、膨胀的欲望，而是专一对待对方，没有见异思迁，亦即两个人有着共同的立场。这时如果他们陷入“合理想象”而不自知，关系里暗藏本可以消除的不信任，就这样埋葬了某段亲密关系，那也太遗憾。
I don't know how many partners in the world die because of mistrust, suspicion, and "reasonable imagination." But I do know that I am very satisfied now. I saw a scene that could not have been seen otherwise; it requires firsthand experience.
我不知道，世界上有多少的伴侣，是死在不信任、猜忌、“合理想象”之中。我倒是知道，我现在很满意。我看到了在其他地方所看不到的景象，它非亲历不可。