The sky to the west was dark, like a vast, upright sea of gray-blue. The orange light of the setting sun shot through its upper edge, lining the coast like a strip of golden sand.
西边的天，暗沉得像一片矗立起来的灰蓝大海。夕阳橙色光芒从上方射出，射穿边沿，金色沙滩般镶在海岸上。
We got on the Guangzhou ring road, heading west back to Zhanjiang for the New Year. Pao Ge said the world is a slapdash affair. Those who seem like giants aren't necessarily that much more capable than anyone else. It's choices that let those who catch the tide ride the wind.
我们驶入广州环城高速，取道向西，回湛江过年。炮哥说，世界是个草台班子。那些看似大牛的人，可能比其他人并没有厉害多少，是选择，让顺应时势的人乘风而起。
My life experience says otherwise. People who rose from obscurity to shape history. People who mastered programming languages to their core and built powerful frameworks. People who generated millions in business.
我的生活经历与此相悖。原本籍籍无名却在历史上纵横一世的人，将编程语言掌握得炉火纯青、写出强大开发框架的人，业务上取得千百万收益的人。
Are they all hacks? I've never achieved anything like that. Throw me into their shoes, and I wouldn't replicate their glorious trajectory. Even if the world is a slapdash stage, I've never been on it, never been the focus, never held the crowd's gaze.
他们是草包？我可没有实现过这些成就，把我丢到他们的位置上，也复现不出辉煌的成长轨迹。世界即便草台班子，我也从来没有登过台，成为焦点，受万千瞩目。
I've read many biographies of the wealthy. Take Aristotle Onassis. He was Turkish, snuck into Greece, drifted to Argentina. Started as a telephone operator, moved up to a small cigarette workshop. Heard shipping was more profitable, so he rented a boat for cargo. After the Great Depression, he bought Canadian freighters at rock-bottom prices. Just as the oil industry boomed, he invested in supertankers. By the time he married President Kennedy's widow, he was the shipping king of the world.
我看过不少富豪的传记，就说希腊船王阿里。他本是土耳其人，偷渡希腊，辗转阿根廷。接线员起步，升级搞卷烟小作坊，听闻船运更赚钱，于是租船搞货运。遇上大萧条后，低价抄底加拿大货轮，正值石油工业的蓬勃，投资超大吨位油轮。当他后来迎娶肯尼迪总统的遗孀，已然成为世界船王。
It's the same story. Every self-made person is a fox. Their brainpower, insight, guts, and drive are far above the ordinary. Pao Ge is sharp. He got my point immediately and then offered a classic perspective—a game.
类似，每一个白手起家的人，个个是人精。脑力，认知，胆量，魄力，远在普通人之上。炮哥是聪明人，立马理解了我的意思，随后提出一个很经典的视角——游戏。
Everyone in the world is like a player in a game. When he said the world is slapdash, he meant it's run by players with level 50 or 60 accounts. The truly powerful ones, level 80 or 90, might not even be center stage. And me, and most ordinary people, we're probably just level few accounts. From our low-level view, the world isn't slapdash at all. A level 50 hack is still far beyond our reach.
各人在世上，犹如众多玩家在游戏场。他说世界是草台班子，是五六十级账号的玩家主导着世界，而真正厉害、八九十级的人，可能并不在舞台中央。而我，以及更多的普通人，可能就是几级的账号。从我等低端账号来看，世界就不是一个草台班子，五六十级的草包也远超我水准。
Jiang Ge and I took turns driving, Pao Ge sat in the back. We stopped for a meal in Jiangmen, wandered around the Kaiping watchtowers, then unhurriedly merged back onto the highway. Jiang Ge said this past year, he felt like life was just pushing him along.
我和江哥轮流开车，炮哥坐后排。途经江门吃了一顿饭，逛一圈开平碉楼，不慌不忙重新汇入高速。江哥说，他这一年就像被生活推着走。
I was the one who first taught him to drive. Now his style is fierce, accelerating and changing lanes in one fluid motion. He even asked me if I felt the push back into my seat. On empty stretches of night road, he pushed the speed close to 140 kph.
最初是我教他开车，现在他车风彪悍，加速变道一气呵成，还问我有没有推背感。空旷一点的夜下路段，他已开到接近一百四十的车速。
These years, women have plucked his heartstrings, coming and going, using up all his emotional passion. Only the car, this mechanical girlfriend, never says no and can go anywhere. The price of this freedom was a hundred grand or so, paid off with time.
这些年，女人撩拨他情弦，来来往往已耗掉他的全部情感激情。唯有车，这个机械女友，从不拒绝哪都能去。自由的代价十几万，就以时间来偿。
Our states in the game are similar, caught between constraint and freedom. When it was my turn to drive, I played my own music, and I chased 140 kph too. A week later, we set off back to Guangzhou in the early hours. While he was fast asleep, I pushed the speed to 150.
我们的游戏状态相似，在束缚和自由之间。到我坐驾驶位时，音乐放我的歌单，车速也要追一百四。一个星期后，我们俩凌晨出发返回广州，趁他睡熟，我把车速提到了一百五十。
On every empty highway, I have this urge to floor the accelerator. Taking a car to its top speed is the best respect you can pay it. I did it once, nervously, foot all the way down. Only 155 kph. That was the limit of that Honda Jade. It seems every car has a limit, can't hit 200 or 300 like a sports car. Just like the limits of human ability.
每当进入空旷高速，我总有一股想将油门踩到底的冲动。开到顶格速度，是对一台车最好的尊重。确实有一次，我忐忑地踩到底，只有一百五十五，那台本田杰德的极限。似乎每一辆车都有极限，没法像跑车两三百的时速，简直跟人的能力限制一样。
Pao Ge said everyone's account is different. Some register at level 70 or 80. Some start at zero. Some start low but catch the right wave and leap to the upper-middle ranks. The speed of farming in the jungle varies too. Some level-teen accounts develop with terrifying speed from the get-go.
炮哥说，每个人的账号是不一样的。有些账号一注册就是七八十级，有些则是零级开局。有些账号初始等级低，顺势而为一下子能跃升至中上水平。打野发育速度也不一样，十几级的账号开局就迅猛发育。
To me, the most typical is Musk. That gambler-genius. Each venture, all-in. Each time, doubling down and leveling up. That's a top-tier player.
照我看，最典型的算是马斯克，这个赌徒一般的天才，每一次创业全部押注，每一次翻倍升级，这是顶级的游戏玩家。
We drove that Honda hard into the early hours of New Year's Eve, arriving at our destination six hours later. Suicheng under the night sky was three parts festive, one part desolate, one part bright, and ninety-five percent empty.
我们驾驶那台本田激励冲进除夕的凌晨，历经六个小时抵达目的地。夜色下的遂城，三分喜庆，一分冷清，一分明亮，百分之九十五的空虚。
The three of us each downed a big bowl of pork offal noodle soup. Pao Ge, still not satisfied, dragged me to play pool. He beat me six games in a row, with a hit rate of ninety percent, grinding me into the dust. The next morning, I lay on my old bed at home, my head full of defeat, games, accounts, leveling up.
我们三个人各灌一大碗猪杂汤粉，炮哥更是意犹未尽，拉着我打桌球。他连赢我六局，击球命中率高达百分之九十，把我按在地上摩擦。明日初升，我回到家躺在旧床上，满脑袋是挫败、游戏、账号、升级。
The firecrackers of 2025 blasted Suicheng from end to end. After half a year, my nephew and I hung out again, doing aimless Brownian motion through the city.
二零二五的炮仗把遂城彻头彻尾轰了一遍。时隔半年，我和外甥又聚在一起，在城内做漫无目的的布朗运动。
My nephew said the game feels like this: brutal.
外甥说，这游戏感觉起来就是：残酷。
Ha. Brutal. That's fucking spot on. Some are born Roman nobles. Some are born beasts of burden. Some are heroes. Some are the minions or jungle creeps the heroes farm to level up.
哈，残酷，这真踏马精辟。有些人生来罗马贵族，有些生来骡马跪族。有些人是英雄，有些人是被英雄用来斩杀而发育的小兵、野怪。
We turned onto a main road and ran into a paid-for firework display. Continuous shots roared into the sky, spectacularly brilliant. Right next to this giant firework was a tiny one, like a child's toy, sputtering up into the air with a pathetic pop-pop-pop.
我们拐进一条大路，遇上充钱的大烟花。连着射天响彻四方，绚烂无比。在这巨大烟花旁，恰好有一支小烟花，儿童玩具一样，吐到半空一哒一哒地响。
We looked up and down and laughed, momentarily forgetting that we were the pop-pop-pop little fireworks.
我俩俯仰大笑，霎时间忘记我们就是哒哒哒的小烟花。
Nephew: There's a lot of comparison in this game too. Take watches. At my school, the expensive ones look down on the cheap ones. The flip-top ones look down on the non-flip ones. The new models look down on the old ones. Also, it feels like there's a huge map in this game I haven't even explored.
外甥：这游戏里还有很多攀比。就拿手表来说，我们学校贵的看不起便宜的，翻盖的开不起没翻盖的，新款看不起旧款。还有，感觉这个游戏，还有很大的地图我没有涉略。
Me: Of course. Even if I told you what an accountant does, you wouldn't really know what it is. You only understand when you've done it yourself.
我：可不是，即便我告诉你财务是什么工作。你也不知道它是个什么东西。除非你亲自做了才了解。
My nephew is nineteen years younger than me. Our random walks always happen at night, after he finishes his homework. I don't care about his grades. I care about his interests, his vitality.
外甥小我十九岁，我们随机的散步总在夜晚，他写完作业就可以出门。我不关心他的成绩，倒是关心他的兴趣、活力。
In the fall, he started a book rental business using my bookshelf. He advertised on his smartwatch. A Global History and Elon Musk were cheap, fifty cents a day. More expensive was that complete Sherlock Holmes I brought back from the UK—ten bucks for two days. That book was five fingers thick, hardcover, all English, pure prestige. Just him carrying it to school guaranteed a hundred percent stare rate.
秋天里，他拿我的书架做起租书的买卖。用小天才手表发广告，《全球通史》《硅谷钢铁侠》之类的便宜，五毛钱一天，贵一点是那本从英国带回来《福尔摩斯全集》，两天收十块。那本书五根手指厚、精装、全英，逼格十足，光他抱着去学校，一路百分百回头率。
I supplied him with a batch of amber pendants. Two-yuan goods sold for five. He made a few dozen bucks for late-night snacks. This underground development path was soon spotted by the teacher and, predictably, shut down. Just as this ancient, pedantic education system insists on doing.
我给他进货过一批琥珀吊饰，两块的货买五块，赚下几十块的宵夜钱。这地下的发育路径很快就被老师盯上，理所应当地取缔，一如这个古老而迂腐的教育体系所固守的那样。
Those two nights, we didn't talk about leveling up. For players like him and me, it's obvious: we need to expand our brain's processing power, extend our daily stamina, and maintain sustained focus until we master something. No need to say it out loud.
那两晚，我们没有聊游戏等级提升。像他和我这样的玩家，要脑瓜进一步扩大算力，还要延长日常的续航，更要持续的专注，直到精通一些事情，这些明摆着不必说。
In Honor of Kings, the most satisfying thing is rapid farming, then going into the canyon and crushing everyone. Life rarely offers that kind of satisfaction. But seeing it as a game means failure is acceptable. You just start another round and win it back. Looking at life with a gamer's mentality gives you a resilience that won't wilt.
《王者荣耀》里，最畅快的就是快速发育，再到峡谷里手起刀落碾压四方。生活里不太能实现这种畅快，而将其视为游戏，就意味着失败可以接受，还要再开一局，赢回来。以游戏的心态来看生活，会多一份不会蔫掉的韧性。
Woody Allen said there are two types of people: the miserable and the horrible. Since the game can't be paused, I think life is terrifying. Whatever you do or don't do, the clock keeps counting until you die, and then you're erased completely.
伍迪·艾伦说有两种人生，一种悲惨，一种恐怖。从游戏不能暂停来说，我觉得人生是惊恐。无论干什么或不干什么，一直算时间直到你死，最后彻底抹除你。
That crappy philosophy book The Big Questions mentions many angles on life, including game, misery, and terror. Also seeing life as a comedy, a story, an adventure, an honor, nirvana, a quest for immortality, faith in God, etc. I mix these contradictory or similar perspectives into one whole.
《大问题》那本烂哲学书里提到人生有好多种角度，其中就包含游戏、悲惨、惊恐。此外还有视人生为喜剧、故事、冒险、荣誉、涅槃、追求永生、信仰上帝等等。我把这些矛盾或相似的视角，混成一个整体。
Stepping back to look at this whole, I see nothing. Only chaotic nothingness. This nothingness comes from death, from boundless space and time. The more you love existence, the more you feel the void.
退回一步审视这个整体，我什么也没看到，只有混沌的虚无。这虚无来自死，来自无边的时空。越爱存在，越感虚无。
After the New Year, lying in my bed in Guangzhou, I deeply believed the creator should go to hell. That bastard, along with the entire universe and everything in it, should never have existed. That would be best.
过完年，我躺在广州的床上，深深认为造物者真该死。他这个王八蛋，连同宇宙万物均不应该存在，如此才最好。
One third of me is detached, one third is social, one third is animal. I keep jumping between them.
我的三分之一是抽离，三分之一是社会，三分之一是动物，在它们之间反复跳横。
Being an animal isn't enough. Survival requires facing society. Consciousness needs to be fed meaning. You have to be a social person again. Being a person is troublesome. Whether it's a game or not, or any other fancy philosophy of life, it's all social. And social means trouble.
做动物不够，生存需要面对社会，意识需要喂养意义，得做回社会中的人。做人很麻烦，不管游戏抑或非游戏，或者什么牛鬼蛇神的人生观念，均很社会，社会就意味麻烦。
To escape trouble, you have to transcend. Transcend society with your mind, and you find nothingness. Everything is absurd and meaningless. I also know nothingness doesn't exist. Shed the mind, and you shed the nothingness. Just go back to being an animal without thought.
摆脱麻烦就得超脱，思想超脱了社会便会虚无，一切荒谬且毫无意义。我又知道，虚无不存在，摆脱思想就摆脱虚无，只需做回一只不要思想的动物。
The sky on the tenth day of the New Year was like a giant cold storage warehouse. I was too tired to do anything, wrapped up like a caterpillar. The quilt I couldn't wrap tightly kept leaking residual warmth. I was hungry, wanted a burger. Too cold to go out, forget it. Eat crackers. Need a Coke too. Watch a movie, no brain required.
年初十的天，宛如一座巨大的冷库。我太累了，什么也不想干，裹成一条毛毛虫。裹不紧的棉被一再泄漏余温，我饿了，想吃汉堡。算了太冷不出门，吃饼干吧。还要喝可乐，看电影吧，不用动脑。
I muttered to myself, wasting my life. I was full and comfortable, empty like a slaughter-bound pig. Waiting for a golden bullet from a trillion light years away to fly over and blast my pig brain.
我自言自语，浪费生命。我饱足舒坦，空洞得像一头待宰的猪。等待万亿光年外的一颗金色子弹飞来，射爆我猪脑。