At nine o’clock the street is cold and empty, like a huge piece of clear amber.
九点钟，街道冷清，一块巨大通透的琥珀。
I’m near thirty. I’m good at nothing. I look like a mess dressed as a man.
我年近三十，我一无是处，我人模狗样，
I should walk like a beaten dog, eyes down, circling the edges of the street.
我该像丧家犬，垂眼低眉绕着街边走，
I should drift like a ghost, carrying a faint smell of damp.
我该闪离飘忽，浑身散发淡淡的霉气，
I should be a century-old abandoned house no one visits. A full-time failure.
作一百年没人鸟的古宅，作足一个失败者。
I failed, and then failed again. Yet the moon runs gentle like a quiet stream,
我失败了又失败，可是月色温柔静淌如溪，
And in it I see my life, and the dignity and freedom of being human.
倒映我的生命、生而为人的尊严和自由，
In this moment I have no reason not to forgive myself.
此时我找不到任何理由不原谅自己。
Hands behind my back, I walk through endless time.
我背起手来，在无涯的时间里漫步，
Silver light lies everywhere, breaking softly under my steps.
银辉遍地，在脚下破碎作响。
Defeat eats away at you. Bit by bit, your confidence gets shaved off.
挫败给予人，是自信一点点消磨，
It hits blood and flesh. It hurts when touched.
见血见肉，一碰就疼。
When I was young, I couldn’t read The Old Man and the Sea with any depth.
年轻时读不深《老人与海》，
As an adult, I couldn’t grasp what Lao Wang wrote in his notes.
成年后看不明老王的读后感，
Until one day I tore off my shame and admitted failure,
直到一天，扯掉羞耻承认失败，
And in that moment, I finally understood what it means to go eighty-four days without catching a fish.
那一瞬间才明白八十四天没有打到鱼。
Lao Wang said, “I will never surrender to the void.”
老王说，我绝不向虚无投降。
I often think of his horse-like face, dead twenty-some years now,
我总会想起那张死了二十来年的马脸，
And of Sisyphus, bearing endless defeat.
还有承受无穷无尽挫败的西西弗斯。
In this world you need a stance when you face defeat and the void.
人在天地间，总要有面对挫败和虚无的姿态，
That’s why I keep thinking of these men and the way they stood.
由此缘故，我总会想起这些人和他们的姿态。
Their stance is a sign of life, a proof that it doesn’t die.
那是生命力的象征，不死之明证。
My scars can be opened again and again. That is existence itself.
我的伤疤可以一揭再揭，这是存在本身，
Everything that belongs to existence should be felt with joy.
一切属于存在的，皆应欣于感知。
Once numbness sets in—whether in winning or losing—
一旦习以为常，不管是成是败，
Then numb submission is the same as not existing at all.
麻木适从便是不存在。
I can be worthless. I can look pathetic.
我可以一无是处，可以人模狗样，
But I must not die at thirty.
但我不可以享年三十。
I can be destroyed. But I must not be the one who destroys myself.
我可以被毁掉，但我不可以毁掉自己。